jenny. nyeneks. jen. twenty-one.
currently a bum, but not for long. youngest of five. singer. loves to eat. sentimental. luvs music. butterflies. christian.
trumpets
girl. grad team. joyclub.
about site.
version: three. simple things. host:blogger. tools: microsoft frontpage, adobe photo deluxe, loads of love. c",)
what about?
this
site is where she rants and blogs about her oh-so-colorful
life, sprinkled with the simple joys God has blessed her with.
NOW I SING MY LAST GOODBYE.. (also posted at my tab)
In that 1 minute call, i broke down. I literally fell on the ground, catching my breath and wept aloud.
My worst nightmare, my dreaded day, my feared moment came to reality without any warning. My heart was taken away from me.. now the wounds are too great to heal. I was crushed up to my limit.. I could bear it no more.
Pain, sickness, suffering.. name it, these are all in this season of my life. I thought, things would be better that day, but I was all wrong.. pain and sufferings grew 10 times more. I was crushed to dust.
The Lord and I were doing great. We talk almost every moment.. His presence never left my side.. I feel it. And now, I remember Job. As if I hear God saying "have you considered my servant Jenny?" of course, Job’s suffering is far from mine.. but just the same, it came beyond what I could handle. I was weeping my heart out. All I know now is that the Lord is in control.. and He loves me just the same. He had this moment on His mind long ago, and He knew that I can get through.
Though I know that the Lord is with me, my pain is still very real. Days have passed and my eyes still sore. Tears I cant control flowing from my eyes from the moment I wake up, till I fall asleep. Im still hurting so deep.
I remember Abraham, sacrificing his son Isaac. He loved him so much.. and carefully prayed for him for several years. Yet, he had to sacrifice him not because of his personal will, but out of obedience to his First love. As if I feel Abrahams pain.. as if im on top of the mountain, carrying the wood and fire for the burnt offering.. and there I laid my heart, my heart that is so precious and important to me.. this is the best of me.. and the best sacrifice that I could offer. This is the most precious gift that I could give my First love.
Now, I gave it all. What is left of me is my breath and my bed. All that is important and necessary for me are gone. Sometimes, I cant help but pray to take even my last breath away. I long for paradise.. where I can just rest my aching soul, where I can feed my hungry body, where I can have companions to be with, where I can find all that I need.
All I have is gone. Now, Im coming to the Lord empty and naked.. nothing left to offer because I gave it all already. Im nothing. All I can do is look up, praise and thank Him for keeping me through.
In chains, I will praise the Lord. In hunger, I will praise the Lord. In sickness, in tears, in pain, in sufferings, in emptiness, in hurt, in persecution, in abandonment.. I WILL PRAISE THE LORD! Until the last beat of my heart, I will worship Him. And there is nothing you can do to take Him away from me. You, enemy, you will never win. The victory is ours to keep.
Lord, I may never understand now, but I trust You.. I trust Your sovereign will upon my life. I surrender to Your mighty hands. Im very weak right now.. uphold me, comfort me, carry me in Your loving arms. You have my life Lord, do whatever You want from it. I cannot carry on a single minute without You. Never let me go.. I need You Lord.
I pray that you’ll comfort him also. Give him strength and wisdom. Give him peace in his heart. Love him like You always do. Help him to stand strong for You. I know that You care for him so much. If this is your will, help us to move on.
I trust You Lord, though I cannot understand. I surrender to Your will.. for You know better that I do.
In my life Lord, be glorified.
In the most precious name of my Lord and savior Jesus Christ, Amen.
Let me recall my month. Lets update this blog. Hmm..
BREATHING FOR 22 YEARS. Yep, I turned 22 last march 30. it was a plain, lonesome celebration at home. It was just me, myself and I. Everyone at home left for the province, the day before my birthday. They were out of town for 5 days. And to make it more pathetic, my dad forgot my birthday *sigh* well, im kinda used to it. It doesn't matter. Imagine, I had no food, no money and no companion. What a sweet day!
But then, I got a bouquet of white roses and "tenderheart bear" from carebears delivered right in our doorsteps. It was nice.
Some people remembered.. some did not. I had new realizations. I felt a bit disappointed though.. but it doesn't matter anymore.
Im happy.. im 22. I had a great and very memorable year. And I pray that this coming year would be a lot better. Its God's favorable year!
HIS SOUNDS. Few weeks ago, I uttered a silent prayer.. asking God if I could join His Sounds. It was a simple prayer that i even doubted if I really wanted it. I was willing because I know that God can use my talent more, but then im scared. Have u seen His Sounds performed?? Gosh, they are so good!!
His Sounds was formed almost 20 years ago by kuya romy pizana. It originally started as a choir group of state varsity Christian fellowship, an arm of IVCF in UP diliman. But years after that, It became open to non-SVCF members. So, it was called His Sounds. It is one of the best choral groups now, here in the country. They even had performed in different countries. They're really amazing.
By some miracle, and I don't know how it happened.. im now with His sounds.. I had connections.. friends who helped me audition. I attended the rehearsals twice this week. The pieces that we're studying now were very difficult!
Im glad to be part of His Sounds.. and im enjoying the company of my new friends there.
SANG FOR OMF LIT'S BOOK LAUNCH Weeks ago, my friend invited me to sing for OMF Lit's book launch.. for the 2 new books of Dr. Sala. It was held at Power books live in Greenbelt, Makati. I sang "Love will be our home" by Sandy Patti. Grabe, ang taas!!! it was not a easy song.. and im not much happy with my performance. I had a couple of mistakes! Whoo! Good thing its over, and I got much to improve next time.
GIG AT COCONUT PALACE. I don't know if I could really call it a "gig". But our band (naks!) performed in coconut palace the whole dinner. We sang around 20-25 love songs the whole night. It's a wedding exhibit, called "blissful occasions" participated by 150 soon-to-wed couples.. sponsored by josiah's catering. I found it cool and relaxing. The place is really beautiful, and my bandmates performed really great. Its fun. Hope we could have more gigs like that. Its all good.
A YEAR OF GOOD FRIENDSHIP Exactly one year ago, a simple friendship started.. and it all began here. im glad it did =)
--- well, that's it for now. I hope to update this blog more often.
being the frustrated book work in me, i easily loose interest in reading. In high school and in college, i hated book reports.. and so, i either let my brother read the book and summarize it for me, or i look for summarized materials already.
I started reading a dozen of books.. but i only finished a few. In my mind, i wanted to read a lot of books so that i could learn much. But after going through a number of pages, i'll get bored and feel sleepy. The flood of alphanumeric characters make me wanna jump out of it as soon as i can.
Normally, i'll just finish 1 chapter in one sitting. So, the more chapters a book has.. the longer it would take me to read it from cover to cover.
I've always been intrigued by brother yun's "the heavenly man". I've heard a lot of christian fellows recommended it as an excellent reading.. and i've seen a lot of copies of this particular book in different stores. Out of my curiosity, while i got a lot of pending readings with bookmarks on their middle chapters.. there i was again, attempting to start another one.
I borrowed the book from one of my students, and started reading it the other night. Man, i cant get my eyes off it! Tears fell as i turn each page. I stayed up very late until my eyes hurt. The next day, all i did was read.
I am deeply touched.
Miraculously, i finished reading all the 350pages of the book in 2 days!!! whoo! It feels so impossible.. and i wanted to read more... more inspiring and reviving stories like of brother Yun's.
I am amazed on his great love and faith in God. He experienced great torture and persecution (physical, mental, emotional).. that led him very close to death several times.. Yet, his faith was not shaken. His description of torment shivers through my spine. And he got all through these because of his faithfulness to God, and God's great love and mercy upon him.
I felt this holy jealousy of brother Yun and God's deep friendship. But then, i feel so incapable and very weak to be in brother Yun's (or his wife Deling's) place. Im so inspired of their heart to reach out in all of China, which they closely did in 30 years. And not only that, God is now using them outside china to spread the Word to Islam, Buddist, and Hindu neighboring countries, and send revival among the sleeping western churches. God is using them so mightily as He moved them from glory to glory.
I am greatly challenged by brother Yun's and the life of our brothers and sisters in China. It is a wake up call for me.. to preach the gospel.. to reach out for more unsaved souls.. and to not waste every single day of God's salvation. I know my call, yet im moving really slow.. the harvest field is plenty and lying just right in front of me. I need not waste each day of salvation. We're here on earth not to enjoy its comfort, but to suffer with Christ.. and find great joy and peace in it. It is an honor and privilege to suffer for Christ’s sake.
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to my friends who are reading my blog and haven't personally met the Lord Jesus Christ yet.. i want you to know that Christ died for my sins, and your sins as well. I used to be a sinner too.. but God forgave me, cleansed me, loved me, made me a new creation.. and gave me life for eternity. He loves you so much that He wants to spend eternity with you too. He's now knocking at the doors of your heart, waiting for you. Will you let Him in? The choice is now yours to make.
All you have to do is pray with an open heart. Ask God to forgive you for all the sins you've done, and ask Him to come into your heart, and be the personal Lord and Savior of your life from this day on.
Its so easy.. for God's salvation is free. He paid all our sins on the cross already. But dont expect fireworks or instant transformation.. yet expect a gradual change in your life.. as the holy spirit dwells in you. I cant guarantee you a life of fun and comfort, but i can assure you the joy and peace from the heart as you continually seek the real God.
Believe me for this is true. Jesus is the true living God.. He has proven His greatness and love in me already. =)
MY VALENTINE [edited version] for my tab friends, u can read it full =)
I used to think that valentine's day is not for a hopeless-romantic like me. For the past 21 years of my life... never did I had a date, or flowers, or chocolates from a prince charming who would come and rescue me from the lonesome valentines day syndrome. I really don't know why.. but im always loveless every hearts day. I was a pathetic girl who would wish for some miracle.. and be like the other girls who carries a bouquet of flowers and walk like a beauty queen on this special day.
But then, miracles do happen. Who could have ever thought that I had the best valentines day of my life... that prince-charming's do exist in our time... and that pure love is still true.
The day ended with my stomach so full, a teddy bear beside me all the time, a bunch of red roses on my table, and I big smile on my face. I am in tears whenever I think about my valentines day. It was overflowing with joy and love.
It makes me smile to realize, that yesterday is only a day.. and each 365 days of my every year, God gives me sweet surprises to enjoy and to be thankful for.
Makes me think that this day, this love, is but a small portion of God's love for me. This is but one sweet taste of the pinch of his love for me… and its too overflowing already. This is too great for me.
To the creator of love.. to the one who loved us first and continues to love us every single day.. I love you.
the girl.
